Think of dating as a social experiment. Your little laboratory of love. So much can be learned by simply observing the behavior in front of you. A person's demeanor around food and wine is an excellent litmus test for how they will behave in the rest of life. So, on your date take a good look. Most of what you see will be great, but if you see any of the stuff below, be aware. Better you see it now then after you have purchased a wine fridge together.
Not a good tipper... not a good sign... it says a lot.
Let's fast forward into your potential life together. People that can't show gratitude at a restaurant aren't likely to be appreciative of you...So if your date can't show a little thanks to the waiter or sommelier when the bill comes, then it might be time for you to say "check please!"
If you are feeling hostile toward each other... not a good sign.
Spatting on a first date is not chemistry... it is bickering. Bantering is different then bickering.
No common interests
You shouldn't have to be a conversation archeologist. If you have to dig for info about your date... that is not a great sign. Conversation is a two way street. This is a great opportunity to see how you two mesh.
Someone who answers your sincere inquiries with curt, yes or no answers and doesn't offer more to the "dialogue" may not have much to bring to the proverbial table in life.
Conversely, someone who is in the midst of a one-man or woman show all about their oh-so-self-fascinating-life...
...you might want to reconsider accepting a second date.
Conversation should flow. If it's painful to share an evening over a bottle of wine together, imagine how tedious spending a life together might be.
Giving you the eye... or not
Dates that have a hard time making eye contact are not a great sign. Eye contact is incredibly sexy, and bonus points if you can remember the color of your date's eyes before date #2! If your date thinks they are cooler than LL (i.e. won't take off the shades), its time to move on. People who put up blinders and are defensive about talking about themselves are not private, they are scary.
Can't stop about Momma
A man who loves his mother knows how to treat a woman but a man who spends most of your date talking about her may be a bit of a (cough) momma's boy. Find out now or you may spend the rest of your life being the other women.
Who's your Daddy?
In the same vein... if she glows a bit too much when she talks of her Decorated Dada, be aware that you may always be a little less than in her heart.
Size matters
If his hands are smaller than yours or her hands are larger than yours... just make a note of it.
Not right in the Kisser If your date kisses like a wet fish or shoves tongue down your throat... I'd say make that the last kiss.
It is that important... so if you can't kiss... you can't date. Learn how... or get thee to a nunnery.
Are you gonna eat that?
Sharing food versus stealing it.
Allow yourself to be the kind of person who takes a bite out of life. Go ahead. Savor everything! But when it comes to the food on your date's plate or the wine in their glass... make sure that they are up for sharezies. Ordering food together and getting to sample a bit of everything can be a great and rather intimate way to learn more about the menu, the wine list and each other... but this has to be an agreed-upon event.
Beware of the Groper
The first touch can be an electric experience. Your energy, their energy... SHAZAM!!! That is what happens when two folks who are hot for each other connect. Like lighting! Nothing better. You want your date to be an intimate experience and when the time is right a little connection is absolutely appropriate. A hand clasp, an arm squeeze, a shoulder caress, a wee hug.
However, if one person is not into the vibe then touching becomes groping. No one likes being mauled.
Gloomy Gus, Gloomy Gail
Be positive. Sounds simple, but it is so important. Humans tend to focus on the bleaker side of things, especially when we are nervous or outside of our comfort zone. In an apparent attempt to bond we go on and on about the mini-dramas of our daily lives. Your date doesn't want to hear about any of this. Our needier, clingier, victimy stuff... off limits until you're really comfortable with each other. Save the desperate stuff for your best friend, therapist or your ex, but don't bring it to the first date.
Focus on things that you love and are excited about. Talking about a super restaurant or a hot new wine that you have heard great things about are easy ways to elevate the mood and create encouraging tenor.
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